Monday, May 4, 2015

Chasing Rainbows

"So are you going to try again?", "What about your frozen babies?", "Do you have plans for the future?". A month or so after I lost our Son Hugo, these were the questions I was fielding. Typing the questions now, I can think of the witty comebacks I could have responded with: "nope, no plans for the future, I think I'll just sit in a corner and breath until my days are done". At the time though all I could think was can we just slow this train down, I want to be sick.

Without going into a lengthy recollection, my Husband and I have been trying to have baby (here on earth) for seven years in August this year. Our road has been scary, emotionally devastating, and financially burdensome. Our youthfulness has been snatched away before our eyes. We have gone through countless fertility treatments, surgeries and IVF, and because of this we have our Angel Son Hugo, and our two Early Loss Angels Star & Sprout.

In the loss community there is a lot of talk of the joy of "Rainbow Babies", and in the wider community there is a lot of talk of "trying again". These topics can be very difficult for those for those trying and praying for a miracle, and for those who are not able to try again.

"Rainbow Babies is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope." -Author Unknown

I particularly like this description for one reason: it doesn't have to relate to a baby. It is hard to find joy in life, when your heart is clouded in darkness following the loss of your child, a darkness almost indescribable. For those of us who don't have a rainbow baby, or a child before loss, our lives becomes very much about trying to fill the void.

For the first 18 months after we lost Hugo, I refused to consider the concept of trying again. I have a beautiful relationship with my little boy in Heaven, why would I risk my life again, or more importantly why would I risk another babies life. It is only in the past six months I have been able to consider our options, and make a plan forward in to try again. I wish it was as easy as just wanting a rainbow baby, that the desire itself would bring it to fruition. Unfortunately there are no guarantees. I find myself preparing for the possibility of a life without children here on earth, and part of that preparation is finding rainbows in my life. I am not blessed with one rainbow but many. I have been gifted in my grief, the experience of genuine friendship- for me this is a rainbow. I have been blessed with the opportunity to work in the bereavement community in memory on my Son- for me this is a rainbow. I have been blessed with my two beautiful dogs who are my daily companions- for me this is a rainbow. What I'm trying to say is: hope for a brighter future does not have to lie only with having another child.

Be encouraged that you are not alone in your journey. That you are very much a mother, and a parent. While your children are not in your arms, they cannot be taken from your heart. Perhaps if you quite your soul, and look around you may just be able to find a bright and beautiful rainbow.

A Big Start To 2015

Hi Everyone,

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update here, as I've been focusing on keeping our FB page up to date.

On the 6th January 2015 we handed over our beautiful Emerikus Land Foundation Cuddle Cot to Redcliffe Hospital. It was a special day, and a wonderful opportunity to once again talk to the staff about memory creation. We also took with us our first Memory Box delivery for the year.

On the 2nd March, I had the great privilege of taking Dr Ivy Margulies to Redcliffe Hospital. There she presented to the Midwives & Social Workers about Perinatal Loss. Dr Ivy Margulies is from Los Angeles, and runs her own private practice in Santa Monica. You can read more about Dr Margulies at her Facebook Page

Also in March The Hugo Effect donated two resources to Redcliffe Hospital. Firstly, a copy of the DVD "Return To Zero", a movie about a couples journey through baby loss. Secondly, a copy of the book "Grieving Parents", which is about surviving loss as a couple. We hope these will provide insight to the staff at Redcliffe Hospital about the journey of the bereaved parent, but also give them tools to assist the families in their care.  

On the 28th of April Hugo's Daddy came with me to make a Memory Box Delivery to both Redcliffe Hospital & Metropolitan Funerals at Redcliffe. 16 boxes were donated, bringing the total number of boxes we have donated since starting The Hugo Effect to 104. This would not be possible without the ongoing support from our sponsors, and fellow bereaved families. Thank you. 

This Friday 8th May, I have been given the wonderful opportunity to speak with the Junior Dr's at Redcliffe about our experience loosing Hugo, and the impact of Doctors on the bereaved parents journey. In addition to this we will continue our Memory Box deliveries, and In-Service education at Redcliffe, as well as having more contact with Caboolture Hospital who already receive some of our boxes. 

My firm desire is to keep "Breaking The Silence" around child loss. I am always on the lookout for ways to bring positive change into our hospitals through The Hugo Effect. 

Tash (Hugo's Mummy) 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Update Cuddle Cot Fundraising

We have raised a total of $2260, over half way to our goal of $4000. Thank you everyone got your support. If you'd like to help us reach our goal please donate at the link below. 

Monday, April 28, 2014

Cuddle Cot Fundraising

We have some exciting news. The Hugo Effect is joining with Emerikus Land Foundation to raise money for a Cold Cuddle Cot System which will be donated to Redcliffe Hospital. This system provides parents with the opportunity to spend precious time with their child once they have passed, without the normal time restrictions, and in a beautiful non clinical way. The required target is $4000, and to get there we will be holding a few different fundraisers, including a Tupperware Party, Online Auction, and Beauty Night. If you have any ideas for fundraising that you would like to share please feel free to private message me. This will be a marathon (not a sprint) project for us. We are very excited about what we will achieve for this year.

Please click on the banners below to be taken to the Facebook link for each event:

Please click on the image below to be taken to Online Auction Facebook Photo Album:


We are looking for donations for our upcoming Online Auction, and Raffles at our two events can you help?
If you would like to donate an item, vouchers, services, please contact Tash on FB or 
Donations Addressed To:
The Hugo Effect 
PO Box 222
North Lakes 
QLD 4509 
If possible please ensure donations are submitted by the 07/06/2014 for the online auction. 
If you are donating items 'In Memory Of' please include your name and the in memory name. 
Please advise which event you would like the donation to go too 

Heartfelt Camera Kit

I'm am so glad to announce that we were able to reach our goal for Hugo's First Birthday. We have raised the full amount of money needed for a Heartfelt Camera Kit to be gifted to Redcliffe Public Hospital.

We will be having a handover morning tea in the coming month so please look out for the follow up post.

Thank you to all of our friends and family who helped us make this dream a reality.


On he 4th June 2014 I attended the handover of our Heartfelt Camera Kit to Redcliffe Hospital. We were able to discuss Memory Creation, and the use of our Memory Boxes in depth. Amy the QLD Heartfelt Coordinator also attended and was able to provide the staff with an insight into the services Heartfelt provide, and how these services can be utilised by Redcliffe Hospital. 

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Luminous Light Beach Remembrance Ceremony, Saturday 16th November 2013, Mullaloo Beach Perth WA.

Michael & I were very blessed to be able to attend the Luminous Light Beach Remembrance Ceremony, this past Saturday. We arrived in Perth on Friday afternoon, and left on Sunday night. It was a whirlwind trip, but we did manage to fit a bunch of stuff in.
- Saw a rooftop movie.
- We travelled around the city, and came across Ye London Court.
- Went to the Perth Mint, where we had a coin personalised for Hugo, and saw a gold bar being poured.
- Sent Hugo a morse code telegram.
- Travelled to Mullaloo Beach for the ceremony and a picnic the next day.
- Went to Freemantle to the markets and brewery.

The decision to make this pilgramage to Mullaloo Beach was made shortly after Hugo's passing. I was searching for guidance in my grief, and landed upon the beautiful works of Carly Marie ( It was through this website that I found out about the Luminous Light Friendship Group, and was added to their online group. When I read about last years magical service, I just knew I wanted to honour not only Hugo, but his little angel siblings Star & Sprout in this way.

It was such a healing time for me being away, I had some very close moments with Hugo and was lovely to share the time with Michael. I would describe the ceremony as: releasing, free, unique, peaceful, uniting, love filled, honourable.

Here are some pictures from the trip:

Hugo's Coin (You Can See His Photo From My Phone Case In The Reflection)

Hugo's Telegram


Tieing The Ribbons On The Ribbon Branch

The Rememberance Flame 


Rose Petals Into The Ocean

Rose Petals Into The Ocean

Rose Petals Into The Ocean



What An Honour To Meet The Beautiful Carly Marie

United We Stand

Michael Blowing Bubbles To Our Babies

Beautiful Moon 

Something To Take Home

Something To Take Home